Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I can count

I can read

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

How does red light therapy affect eyes?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

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I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t buy bullshit

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

What is a partner in crime?

I actually pay taxes

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

What are some photos of masturbation?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I see through liars

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Which is the best AI app for house plan making?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

In the last 500 years, have there been civilizations whose cruelty matched that of Nazi Germany?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have a reading level above third grade

What is the moral stance on lying? Can you provide examples of when it is appropriate or inappropriate to lie? Does the Bible address this issue?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

How do I seduce a maid for sex?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

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I have complete contempt for traitorism

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

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A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

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I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand how hurricane paths work

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.